Long time no see...

Bout 6months i din updated my blog...dunno still got supporter ornot..
the latest blog said..i work at Lavender 4 months d...
now alry 10 months..time past so fast..
but i alry resign d..my resignation period until 31july..
guess wat is my next plan??
Im going Taiwan!!! (if money successful transfer to my acc lar) hehe...
goin thr taking a short course with chef lim (my school chef)
wa...if i really go ar...i take many many pic arrrrr.....
hehe...
after tht im heading to melbourne, Australia...hehe..
i got a job thr d...oli left the agreement contract haven dicuss..bt the outline alry okie lar!!!
yeah...2 travelling in 1 year...very great...
but i gonna miss my family much...till now thy are still my supportive fans!!(after i spend alot of their $$$)

i love u popo, love u uncle...
love u mom,protect me frm heaven ya...
love my sister, don worry, i will buy u present de...
n take care yaself daddy...

i and patrick will got a new experiance, and we definately will take care ourselve de...
hehe...
miss ya Dear Janice, Dear Zi lin, and mei ling...
miss ya mattson and xiao bu...
(pls lar....seem like i gonna die like tht ....wakakakaa....)
happy ma me...also dunno wat i write d...hehe..

k lar...nite...
leave some comment lar..very boring oli me talking to myself lar...

Erm..im a part of Lavender Pavilion already for 4 months lu..
in this period..i improve my baking skills alot..

frm a wat also dunno de gal till now im the head at cake make up department..gee..thx alot to them tht use alot of time n patient 2 teach this stupipd meimei..

new junior coming in will be under me..i gonna teach she/he to take over my deparment..

thn i hv 2 move on to Midvalley..new Lavender bakery n bistro thr ma..

i n 1 senior baker gonna go thr 2 fight d..gaga..scare..

Gao Yi, a Taiwan baker gonna lead us till we all balance..thn he hv 2 go back to Bukit Tinggi at Klang thr..another outlet thr ma...
thn i n Edwin(senior baker) will be the oli 2 "old folks" thr lu..

i know i didn work at the wrong place..

i can get in this position is all my luck..if not i think i still staying at pavilion till duno whn lor~~

is been a real hard time with andy..finally i broke up alry..

is been a real hard time i be with some1 i shouldn..a gal..tht me make me fall in love to her..

bt finally she dump me too..

struggle all long way to this point..

concentrate on my working..

cant imagine is..im in a relationship again..

with some1 older then me 6 years..bt he jus lk a kid tht alwis make me smile..

started to end other chances and kip goin on lk this will me very comfortable..

age is not the main point..his look is not the main point..

love is the main..

i don dare to say love..it jus a feel tht bond us..

he is my head chef..he is the 1 tht control all kl Lavender Bakery production area..

he is the 1 tht teach all of us..

he is the 1 tht give me advise..he is the 1 tht make me smile for this moment..

i real hope..this will be longer then i tot..

being love is the most blissful things for me..

Love u Patrick!

wil this be real..i mean..no 1 playing no 1 rite??
mind gonna blown up soon..
haix..very fan ar!!!!!!!!!!!!

itz time to give up?
will he be happy with her?
im so fan ar..
thy r such a lovely couple..
im nothing..

To..........

i und..u still lub her de..
cos she also been a very important person 4 u for some time..
she is some1 u be with for some period..
is good to be not cruel...considering ppl feel..
is a good point..u r kind hearted..

no matter wat..the black clouds will end too..
no matter the answer is good or bad..
wat i nid is time to flow..
like now..im letting the fate to flow with time..
altou i really wish for smt..
bt i also hv my own probs here..
i might jus hv the same feeling as u feel..
bt..i can think..
n i think rite now..
not lk u..think nonsense..
rite now..the sun is to see u happy happy whn u chat or meet me..

i found my sun..for now..
u found it d le ma??

GERAM>>>>>>>>>

im very geram now...
silly me oli bcos of a bunch of long hair i cried..

tht stupiak hair stylish lar..
i neva have confident to let other saloon 2 touch my hair de..
bt i think my hair r real fuzzy now so i decided 2 give a try..
i hv a long long hair..jus a bunch at the back thr..
it till waist thr d lor..
i love it cos it make me proud..
every1 like my hair..
thy ask how can i grow jus 1`bunch of hair?
i alry told tht guy don cut it..
i didn realise it at 1st..bt whn i reach klcc meet my frens..
i look at the mirror..y so short d?
haix..cut d lar..
heart very pain lor..
nexttime go back to my saloon thr..
i hv 2 ask thm 2 cut back short short thn oli can c back my tail thr..
haix..
i love my hair..

I hope im not ya burden..
i hope everything get fine..
is real tire kip on lk tis..

i miss u alot...

special relation..

u sure u wont lk others?
as long some1 continuein caring me n let me trust..
u so sure tuz is not tempporery if i choosen u?
if i think is temp thn i won think so much way 2 get closer with u try 2 make things as i wish..
u sure u will turn les?
yes..im very disapointed at guys..
u sure u will love me for long time?
i oli hoping for long blissful relation..not puppy love..
u sure all tis liking feeling r real?
is the same feeling i felt 3 years ago..tht make me damn hurt losing tht relation..
u sure for future guys is not your choice?
if 1 day love change..anything will happen..tht wil be the time both of us don trust each other nymo..
u really think gals is a beta option?
i think tht b4..b4 the day i met u..

bt love need many support..hv 2 give out many things 2 gain it 4eva..
don u und v dunno wat things gonna happen..
example now u like others gals d..n consider 2 let go her..
i blif u got think all tht quest lk u told me whn u meet her..
now she is ya gal, mean she accept it..
bt c..things happen..is u dumping her now..
if u 1 4eva..
u 1 long term..u should seek 4 it every moment u hv this special relation with her..
not jus asking all this and try 2 buy an insurance frm it..
don think so much bout future..think now..

she und.."u're rite..promise could be break even we made a promise..relationship shud be a develop feelings towards each other..promise cant guarantee anything..promise is not a final ans or a blame for everything if goes wrong..i understand..everything needs to gamble to find out truth, right? ok i got it..........."

im glad she thinks tht is true..
i feeling so great now..
im choose to consider ppl feeling more then mine..
now..im consider how andy feel if everything end..
bt..turn it upside down..i choose her..thou i consider andy's feelings..
bt at last i choose to be selfish..choose my happy path..
tht is bcos i tried 2 love him..bt all end up with disapointment..
haix..i begin to think..maybe tht is not my path..

rite..my frens said i stil young..thr is alot more good person in future..
so..i dunno lar..
rite now i don 1 think tht ending 1st..
i wana go thru some roads 1st..
who knws the ending..
haha..

A character..

Thr is a character told me..
she felt confused..
she dunno wat 2 do..
is not her 1st time falling to someone..
bt this "someone" make her feel "dunno wat 2 do"..
it shouldn be complicated..
bt now it seem yes to her..
she miss him..bt she scare she freak him out..
cos she tot he also in a confused n frustrated situation..
she scare losing him as a fren..bt also scare thr is no space 4 further relationship..
wat should she do?
she really dunno..
he got a very cute gf..feeling so no confident..
she knw she is not tht kinda "big eyes, comic faces gals" tht he like..
go further..wat if it end with hurt answer..
stop here..wat if it end with no chance at all..
haix..
real confused for her too..

tht character is.............................................................not gonna tel u guys..
knw me well then u knw..

Past away Bday...

my bday jus past by bout a week lu..
erm..appreaciate those tht celebrate with me..
lk andy, alvin n mei hui..make me homemade cake..
a liltle surprise party..
lk lavender staff..have a liltle meal at station 1 cafe..
lk zi lin purposely bring me her prez 2 me after work..
n janice..plan 2 go eat at look out point bt cancel d cos i work late tht nite..
all frens r so caring..i shud be glad..
bt dunno y ler..i still feel is not enuf..
cos 2 people..some1 i felt in deep love with..didn wish me..
im not blaming anything..it jus if now i stil have 1 of them..my life wil be too great to live..
i loose alot of confidence at loving another person again lk i love them b4..
mayb is not the real prince..curiously..whn another him will arrive again? n fulfil my blissfulnes?

i mis the time v cycle around my garden..n u r wearing my uncle pants..
i mis the time v play badminton in the evening with ya brother n sister..
i mis all of it..even the time v argue..

i also miss the time u waited me finish work at snj..
i also miss the time u fetch me with motor..n 1 time u purposely cycle bac to ya hse frm mine to yours jus 4 a "journey to the west" cd n watch at my home..
i also miss your expression whn i acc u 2 tattoo..remembering u oli 1 mentos..so i choose all mentos frm the sweet box..

thru all tis..i gain tons of sweetness and happiness..
i gain all the laughter n experiance..
i gain lot of confidence on depending on myself whn im alone..
i now dare to do things tht i don dare 2 do..oli dare to depend on thm..

bt things to gain all this have to loose away a importance things..
losing the feeling of loving some1 so deeply..
mayb i hvn met..tht y i will write so..
i tot this is wat blog shud be..to tel wat i feel now..
life reali no take 2..1 steps wrong n tht is the end..no matter is happy ending or sad ending..
unfortune, i end with a very hurt ending..

for sometwo i loved b4..
1..i loved 4 2 years..1..iloved for 1 months..
i wish i could tell u guys 1 day tht i really have fully let go u guys..
i think tht time i will be in a very blissful relation lk lastim with u guys..
i wonder who r u? so powerful to delete thm frm me..

guess wat..im waitin u..

so tire 2day..i work more thn 13 hours 2day..stand whole day..n i eat oli 1 mini miny bread..
haix..y earning money are so hard..
sumore 2day oli few ppl work oli o..so damn tire ler..
if i oli sit there and got ppl give salary so good ho..haha..
i knw every1 wish so..
hehehe...

chef Lim said he gonna bring some of his student to taiwan for a short course ler..
haha..i sure goin de lar..bt i think i hv to resigned my job thn oly can follow..
thou now im doin well in this bakery..bt i wana improve more ler..
go see see other country..luckily my pasport jus renew..
if can i really wish to get work permit thr..Taiwan ler..their bread so geng..sure got alot to learn de lor..
lastim i planned 2 hv my own bussiness as soon as possible..
bt now i think i wana try diff path..i agree with my fren's point, zhi lin..
she planned to work thn earn $ thn go other country and work thr for beta knowledge..
sumore her bro go alots of places too..i think i wana follow her lar..haha..
i also planned to enter Le Meridian after i quit Lavender..
i see pic frm zhi lin..seem alot to learn thr too..haha...
wish my journey start soon..and won jus cancel.
cos ar..smtime i plan and dream alot thn the things won come true..
so i really hard to blif the phrase of "dream come true"..
Janice say de ngam o..don think so much smt great things happen beyond our thinkin..haha..

wish me luck!

Im useless..

something have bothering me this few days..
i keep remembering something the most sweet moment in my life..
bt i knw is past d..
i miss tht very much..i got think to get him back again..
bt..is more relax n happy to see him happy too..let he do wat he lk..
is beta oli me suffer..cos all tis bad things happening on me is actually all my fault..
cant blame anyone..jus im useless..
jus nw waiting lrt..i promise to myself..i will live properly and neva cried anymore for the past..
n try to put as much love as i could to this relation..
bt everything ruin..my bf nw r treating me so badly..
u can say bcos im too manja or watever..
bt i can feel he is not the rite guy..feel breaking up..
bt i scare i made the wrong decision again..i don even care to take frens advise..
no one und me..no one...
im very moody nw..am i not suppose to be in tis world?
i knw im useless..i ruin everything good..
is all my fault..

A stupid quest....

If you are single one day...will you give me a second chance?

pas 12..

evry months de 12 2day..
wil be a important day with some1 tht real important to me last time..
i will prepare smt sweet..
or write a letter..show him how much i love him..
bt smt i 4get too..he is the 1 tht remember 1st..
thn all tht stuff will kip in a pink fail..content all our sweet, arguing letters...
some photos..all memories..

if..i said if..
if tht hasnt happen..
now would be our 2 years and 9 months..
almost 3 years lor..
wat along time..

well..is all past tense d lor..
so thr is no more future in this..
i didn mean anything..i just remember the date 2day and sudden feel smt..
sorry 4 being so childish..sorry 4 being so rude..
rite now..i wana rewind to 8 months ago..and now wish u a Happy 2years and 9 months aniversary to "Past Tense Dezzy"..from "Past Tense de Renee"..
don think too much..now let jus go back to reality..and everything move on..

~END~

2day feels....

cold...erm feeling cold..
thou im in a relation..my bf treat me also ok lar..
bt i jus feel he is not the 1 lor..
not oly his attidude irritate me..
also the way he act this position as my bf..
i begin to think..
if God let me choose 2 ways..
1st is return back to form 5..n let everything sweet begin..
2nd is return to form 1..save my mom and stay with family..
wat would i choose..
choose to be with my considerate ex..
or with my very very complicated family..?
i think i wan my family..
i realise family is important..
thou my mom married other..n tht i really don lk tht guy..
bt is okie de..
thn i will alwis be my mom's gal gal..
i won go through again this pain memories..

smt i think till i cant concentrate on work..
smt i even cry out at washroom..
i feel im so tire..
and whn back home i cant feel im home..
cos he is not the 1 i wana c..
do u think i make the wrong decision..?
starting a relation without real feeling..
haix..

smt i think i wana work hard..
prove to every1 tht im a independent women..
i wana have my own shop within a year..
hv car..prove them im diff..
smt i think i wana go for some extra activities..
smt lk swimming, or yoga class, or even dance class..
make myself more more tire..
stop thinking n slp..
thou working is tire..bt i still wish to make myself drunk 4 feel hours..
thou moro will be real tire working..
haix..
renee ar..y u wana think so much jek..

alry past half year lor..i think more then tht..
everything should be fade..
bt smt it come alive again..
is this wat i should go thru?
is this my fate?
whn i can go thru hapi life again?
like those in Ipoh?

i knw ppl also bored at my stories..
frens also said, let go ba..
even myself smt also feel so irritate at myself..
bt wat can i do..
once i place my finger on the keyboard..
tht wat i think lor..
haix..

i really wana contrl my fate..
i wana hv own shop..
and i 1 a Honda city..or Civic..cool..
not enuf thn myvi aso cute de..
i wana dye my hair golden green again..
whn long enuf i wana curly it..
thn hair goes worst, jus cut short short..
lk TB..
bt now all stil dreamimg..
haix..now u really think too much lar..
next month JJ invite me 2his 21st bday party ..
Quattro Autumn Club..
thy say near KLCC wor..
erm..wana go bt who fetch me home ler?
haix..
hope everything will change more soon..
hope it won stay cold..

2day..i..

2day i went gai gai with Janice lor..
v talk alot..
not lk goin out with andy..
he jus will show me a annoy face whn i go shopping..
i alry mark down my shopping list..gonna go Forever21 shop enuf..
hahahahaha....

2day gurly chat alot o..
chat bout my feel..feel so great after talk everything out.
bt nw feel complicated again..
v talk bout TB too..
thinking of finding 1 TB as BF also good wat..
i think thy are much more caring thn guy..
haha...

i can admit i hv mature thinking..
bt do u think i can do it?
if yes..i wouldnt be so complicated nw..
miss goin out clubbing..
beer is the best company..
for me 2 express out a thorn in heart..

sorry renee..i said sorry to u..to make u feel so complicated nw..
if im wise enuf..
u wouldn goin this path..
the other you is so not mature thn u think..

looking 4 the rite path?

To all of u!!

Happy Mooncake fest to my family..
To my PoPo, Ah mei ,Ah Yee and uncle..

Happy Mooncake Fest to my boi..Andy..
smt ar..u realy make u so upset bout u..bt is ok..
i knw tht ya attidude..

Happy Mooncake Fest to my kl frens..especially Janice..
JJ lar..who alwiz bring me clubbing..
and to cute cute Zhe zhe..

Happy Mooncake Fest to all Sugarcraft frens..
Especially to Zi lin, Alvin, Mei Hui, Alex, Liyean..And everyone..

Happy Mooncake Fest to someone i knew deeply lastim..
Desmond n his gal gal Niki..

Happy mooncake Fest to SnJ KC..
especially to Meiling, Karmun and more..
and ex workers Yi Yin..

Happy Mooncake Fest to my Ipoh Schmate..
Especially to hui Yin, Yong Shin, Yee Jing, Ye Sheng and alot alot more..

Happy mooncake fest to Ipoh..
to my Bro, Fei, and all of them tht treat me very good and alwis bring me go here n thr..

Happy Mooncake fest to DOne..
to Chung, Miko, foong, verons.. and all of them..

Happy Mooncake fest to Lavender Staff..
to my 2nd head Chef..I-Zhang, Alan, Juan, Edwin and all of them..

Happy Mooncake fest to world!!!

2day start back work lor..so tire..
actually 2day kinda relax d le lar..we 5pm lk tht alry finish our work..if everyday would be lk this thn sure nice lor..no need to work till so late..

2day is Mooncake festival o..Did u guys hv ya dinner n mooncake with ya family?

i miss my home lor..tis year i cant hv dinner with thm..cos hv to work ma..haix..

bt ar..Lavender give me alot of mooncake ler..i think i will be fat after eating all tht..

bt ar..those i would lk to give to Janice..i buy d ler..don misund ar!! im not giving u free stuff..k?

so jealous at janice can go such good holiday..i got lil bit regret cos didn take college tim..

if not ar..mayb nw v same sch tim lor..haix..thn i also can go such good holiday with u guys..

not lk nw..feel lk stucked half way..

i wana faster faster earn $..hv my own shop n car as soon as possible..thn i won let some ppl look down at me lu..or maybe can meet new ppl..

haha..hope so..cos this year happen alot of stuff..i feel so sad n heart broken alot of time..thou time can help to erase those but is my memories ler..unless i hit a car n realy forget everything..

y i alwiz choose the wrong way? should i blame the God for not guiding me or blame myself for not following the guide? how good if everything is under my control..

tht y..i wana hv my own bussiness..im the boss im the everything..hahahaa..turn bad d lo Rene..

is our memo..

i dunno wat am i sad about..since now i alry move in 2 a new path..hv a new guy..
not actually sad lar..Alan said..is bcos u keep thinking your memories..u r jus miss wat had happen lastim and it won happen again..u think too?
Alan also said..old de din go new de how 2 come o..i heard many of these d..
bt smt..i rather i keep the old de and push away de new de..
if i make a wise decision lastim thn now i won be so trouble..

i asked Alex 2 acc me..bt i don think so i can meet him and her ..
with the attidude i hv now..is a shame..
im a smoker which he hate..
is alrite is ok..at least i turn more independent..
i can live without men..thou i really need 1..bt still i can do it de..

is so tire working..i gonna go to the cake section..decorating all tht..not hard lar..
jus don hv 2 make bread lk now oly...cos ah juan been working 2 years and she stuck over thr..
is time for her to move out to the bakery side d lor..
bt i scare thy will feel regret lor..cos im not staying long..
thou thr is alot to study..bt keep working non stop is hard ler..
unless is my own shop lor..jus hope everything get well lor..