2day feels....

cold...erm feeling cold..
thou im in a relation..my bf treat me also ok lar..
bt i jus feel he is not the 1 lor..
not oly his attidude irritate me..
also the way he act this position as my bf..
i begin to think..
if God let me choose 2 ways..
1st is return back to form 5..n let everything sweet begin..
2nd is return to form 1..save my mom and stay with family..
wat would i choose..
choose to be with my considerate ex..
or with my very very complicated family..?
i think i wan my family..
i realise family is important..
thou my mom married other..n tht i really don lk tht guy..
bt is okie de..
thn i will alwis be my mom's gal gal..
i won go through again this pain memories..

smt i think till i cant concentrate on work..
smt i even cry out at washroom..
i feel im so tire..
and whn back home i cant feel im home..
cos he is not the 1 i wana c..
do u think i make the wrong decision..?
starting a relation without real feeling..
haix..

smt i think i wana work hard..
prove to every1 tht im a independent women..
i wana have my own shop within a year..
hv car..prove them im diff..
smt i think i wana go for some extra activities..
smt lk swimming, or yoga class, or even dance class..
make myself more more tire..
stop thinking n slp..
thou working is tire..bt i still wish to make myself drunk 4 feel hours..
thou moro will be real tire working..
haix..
renee ar..y u wana think so much jek..

alry past half year lor..i think more then tht..
everything should be fade..
bt smt it come alive again..
is this wat i should go thru?
is this my fate?
whn i can go thru hapi life again?
like those in Ipoh?

i knw ppl also bored at my stories..
frens also said, let go ba..
even myself smt also feel so irritate at myself..
bt wat can i do..
once i place my finger on the keyboard..
tht wat i think lor..
haix..

i really wana contrl my fate..
i wana hv own shop..
and i 1 a Honda city..or Civic..cool..
not enuf thn myvi aso cute de..
i wana dye my hair golden green again..
whn long enuf i wana curly it..
thn hair goes worst, jus cut short short..
lk TB..
bt now all stil dreamimg..
haix..now u really think too much lar..
next month JJ invite me 2his 21st bday party ..
Quattro Autumn Club..
thy say near KLCC wor..
erm..wana go bt who fetch me home ler?
haix..
hope everything will change more soon..
hope it won stay cold..